Photograph

‘Can I help you?’

‘Yes, I’ve come to object.’

‘What about?’

‘About having my photograph taken. Before you introduced that last session – I thought the interviewer rather hogged the conversation, by the way – you made a number of so-called “housekeeping” announcements. Among these you informed us that a photographer was present and would be taking pictures for the press, the festival’s website and what you termed “general promotional purposes”. And you said that if anybody objected to their photograph being taken, they should let you know. So I’m letting you know. I object.’

‘And we absolutely respect your right to do so. If you could stand still for a moment, I’ll quickly . . . There, that’s done, thank you.’

‘You just took my photograph! Precisely what I’m objecting to.’

‘Let me explain. We’re a very small festival. We only have two cameras. On this one we store photographs of people who object to their photographs being taken. The official photographer uses the other camera. If we want to use one of his photographs for any of the purposes you’ve mentioned, we can check if any of the objectors on this camera are in the photograph on that camera, and if they aren’t we can use it.’

‘And what if they are? To be specific, what if I am?’

‘Well, if it’s a photograph we really want to use we can edit you out. Crop the picture to exclude the back of your head or the tip of your nose or whatever. That way we respect your wishes but don’t interfere with the photographer’s work. Not until later, anyway.’

‘But you took my photograph against my wishes.’

‘Only with this camera, which isn’t the official one. That’s almost as if you weren’t photographed at all.’

‘But I was. I insist that you delete the photograph.’

‘If I do that we won’t be able to respect your wishes about not being photographed.’

‘How many objectors’ photographs do you have in that thing?’

‘So far, just the one. Look, suppose I delete it by mistake?’

‘Please do.’

‘There. Don’t tell anybody. Now, would you mind doing something for me in return?’

‘What?’

‘Would you please fill in this evaluation form?’